I've been thinking about writing this for a little over a year now. For those of you who do not know this, I have an older sister. We did not grow up together; she is the product of an unplanned teen pregnancy and my mom was forced to give her up for adoption.
This morning on my commute to work, I was reading a book titled Dynamic Women of the Bible by Ruth A. Tucker. As I was finishing off the chapter on rival sisters Rachel and Leah, the words written in the conclusion made me think of my relationship (or lack thereof ) with my own sister. Like Rachel and Leah, we are to a certain extent standing in each others' shadows.
We had a falling out last year. The irony of it is that it was the first real conversation we have ever had.
For the most part, I've mainly kept to myself when it came to her. When I met her, I was already 27 years in as an only child and was quietly observing her behavior from a distance. What I saw was a selfish woman who had a tendency to be more than a little careless with my mother's heart. Long story short, she flip flopped in and out of mom's life on several occasions.
My breaking point came when she wrote mom a letter after about 15 years of being in touch, only to tell her that she no longer wanted a relationship with her. Just like that. She cited things like she's confused, it upsets her adoptive mother, etc. Just a lot of self-centered hog wash.
I hurt for my mom. I know that this dismissal made her relive all the pain of those years where she did not know where her daughter was and if she was ok. Mom is a soft hearted soul and did not deserve that.
The woman who raised my sister passed away a few years later and surprise surprise, guess who reached out again and wanted back in. Mom was happy but I had mixed feelings. So, I stayed out of it.
Over the years they have gotten closer and have taken trips together. My sister mentioned now and again that it would be fun if the three of us could do something together, but the invitations never actually materialized.
The last time I actually saw her was at my grandmother's funeral. After the service she looped her arm in mine and said it would be nice if we were could get to know each other.
Flash forward a few years later and we have a falling out. It turns out that she never really wanted to get to know me. Oh and by the way, she chooses who her sisters are. Interesting.
I cried for two days. Of course I told mom everything. I could not figure out why I was letting her words get to me. Maybe it reached me in the most vulnerable of places; when I was a child, I constantly begged my parents for a little brother or sister. Now finally I have a sibling, a big sister, and she has casually dismissed me. The rejection stung.
Then reality set in. I haven't had to deal with sibling rivalry. Ever. Nor do I have any intention of starting. Sister, I'm sorry to say, but you are flakier than a freshly baked croissant. So go ahead and be the Disneyland daughter and blast in and out when it is convenient for you. As for me, I will remain constant and honor our mother. Daily.
Hi! I'm Chris, an empty nester living in Montreal and making the most of this stage in my life. I love cooking for friends and family, DIY projects, decorating and writing.